"...and when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me...shine on till tomorrow...let it be..."

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I've been contemplating about writing this blog for a while now. If I didn't write it now, there would be a good chance that I would forget and these words might never reach your screens...so here goes nothing...

"Who is Mister Bright?"

I'm a firm believer that we are more than just ourselves. Some situations bring out the best of us, some bring out the worst. And then there are some situations that seem to create a whole other self, someone who only comes out in that one situation...

I like to call my other self "Mister Bright". I'm sure everyone has met him at some point on the forum or in game somewhere. He's the silly, rude, smart ass that i'm sure you've all come to know during my time here at Spectrum. Mister Bright is just a weird part of me that comes out from time to time, mostly when i'm online. It's like there are two mes sometimes. If you pay real close attention, you can even see me shift back to my real self...

"So if you don't always act that way all the time, what are you really like?"

Mister Bright is not who I am. In fact, i'm the complete opposite of him. That's why I chose the name "Mister Bright". It was an ironic name for me to use considering i'm pretty much the opposite of him in every way...

My real name is Tim

I live in the state of Maryland

I'm pretty shy around people and can even get anxious around big groups

I am addicted to anything that might drag me away from my real life, for any amount of time...escapism is what I like to call it.

Video Games are my favorite form of escapism. Being able to take a character on an epic journey is the best, but i'm also a lover of a fine story, even if i'm not reading it in a book.

I collect classic consoles and games from my childhood. Nostalgia is a dangerous thing sometimes, especially with me.

My favorite thing other than playing games was drawing. I made it a mission that I would spend my Sundays only drawing. My skills grew and grew, but I was never satisfied with anything I drew. I had problems translating my imagination onto a piece of paper...or maybe I just didn't know how. I even had a dA account with stuff on it...

http://shadows-at-dusk.deviantart.com/

What you guys might not know is that I suffer from pretty severe depression, severe to the point where I don't do a whole lot during the day. I've lost a lot of passion for things that I used to love doing and because of that, I haven't drawn anything in years. Nowadays, it's been sapping my love of playing games too. I have so many games, some i've not even touched, but I can't ever seem to muster up a care to play them.

I also suffer from an anxiety disorder and I have a slight Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This stuff pretty much keeps me inside my house at all times, like a prison. I really don't have anything to do outside unless I have a doctor's appointment or someone wants me to run an errand or two for them. I have no job and no money, plus no one will hire me because of my lack of job experience.

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened to you?"

I didn't have the greatest time in High School. I had some great teachers and made some great friends, but my introduction to the real world was a rough one, very rough.

In 2006, my dad passed away from a blood clot after surgery. To say this event rocked my world would be an understatement. I can still remember every moment from the day we found out.

Life for me has been a downward spiral for over 6 years. I've seen more than enough doctors to help me and yet nothing has worked. I've taken countless amounts of different medications to no avail.

I've seen the end of me, but I refuse to give up. Something has to work, doesn't it?

"So what does the future hold for you?"

Sometimes early next year, i'm going to have a procedure done that is supposed to help fix my brain, it's called Electro Convulsive Therapy or ECT. This procedure could have a big effect on my memory. I might forget people. I might forget SPECTRUM. I might forget who I am...


"Why are you telling us all this?"

One day, i'd like to think of you guys as good friends, even though a lot of you are all over the place. I wanna know you guys just as much as I want you to know me. Will this change the way I act in game? No. Just know that there is a very depressed guy underneath that mask.

My Birthday is next Sunday, so if anyone wants to shoot me a skype hug, i'm all for it...

Here's to a better tomorrow...

Good grief, I never realised. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and your current situation. I hope you have a very happy Birthday next Sunday and I wish nothing but the best for you in the future

While I do not understand why you would confide this information with the clan, I do understand how you feel. My father passed in 2006 as well due to complications with his new liver from a transplant. Probably won't recover from it emotionally, but it is what it is and it can't be dwelt on. As for severe depression, i hate to advocate alcohol, thc, and hallucinogens, but they did wonders for getting me out of my slump. You are a friend to me Mister Bright, stay wacky in game.

Nastard wrote:While I do not understand why you would confide this information with the clan...

Knowing the real me is the first step to becoming BFFs...






*reads poll results*

Ok seriously, who voted "meh"?!?!?

If you didn't want people to vote meh, then you shouldn't have made it an option.

PS: Wasn't me

Emilia wrote:If you didn't want people to vote meh, then you shouldn't have made it an option.

PS: Wasn't me

Suspicious...

Who'd make the mistake of giving me a "don't care either way" option?

Good luck with your life man, I'd rather judge a friendship on how you treat me rather than knowledge of your past.
Edit - In saying that, you've yet to have a negative impression.

Mickle wrote:Who'd make the mistake of giving me a "don't care either way" option?

Twas no mistake...Consider that a neutral on yourself from me...

So we are neutral towards one another...

Well, If you want someone to play DOTA or anything with, all you have to do is ask (my steam is online pretty much all the time)...and I shall come running. We've never gamed together. Maybe it's time...

Even though I don't know how to say this but I hope your life gets better and hope you the best on what the future holds you
god knows what will happen next.

It's been 7 years today since my Dad passed away...